- What did you buy a cheap vodka?.
- Well, it's so - every day.
You say that I'm beautiful?.
- Yes, a beautiful.
- And so beautiful?.
- So Beautiful.
- And here, depart, there is beautiful?.
- And there is also a beautiful. Comrade Lieutenant, give the right, I need to go!.
hi -.
- hi ).
- What are you doing?.
- so much so. nothing more ).
- what are your plans for the day?.
in an Internet - provtykat.
-a, right. I'm sorry. will not detract.
- If you caught a goldfish, what would you ask her?.
- I would have asked her for money.
- I would have asked her for health.
- I would have made her ear.
- Why?.
- When I caught her last time, I asked her for love and friendship. And this.
creature had done so, now I stick to the blue with his love,.
and all the women I say: ' Let's be friends '.
Council stopped drinking. Do not try to buy items to be ' obmytiyu ' - apartments, cars, furniture, clothes, dishes, appliances, household chemicals, paper, office supplies, as well as any products that may be regarded as an appetizer.
To make lessons suited to his son from behind his father, stroking her son 's head:.
- Strive, my son, hooks write neater.
- This is not a hook, Father! .
Instructor:.
- What is a parametric amplifiers?.
student:.
- We have not been.
- Right! .
A girl learns to swim with an instructor. Swim, swim, half an hour later he asks:.
- And what if you take out your finger, I drown?.
- How would react if your city has passed a gay parade?.
- In this city he does not stop....
- Why negros constantly think about sex?.
- Because they have pubic hair on my head.
popular belief.
Alcohol in the house - to drink.
In the psychiatrist.
- When you have an idea that you have a dog?.
- When I was a puppy.
Passes an examination on the girl drawing. Do not know. The teacher says:.
- Okay, the question on the three. How to start drawing?.
- Well, with a pencil sharpener.
- Wrong.
- Well, with the purchase of securities.
- No!.
The girl continues to bear such nonsense. The examiner does not stand up and shout:.
- On -axis!.
A girl with surprise:.
- Right here??.
The girl and you love animals?.
- Did you make me an offer?.
Sex on the phone:.
- A guy like you more than 18 years?.
- Yes, Aunt....
Putin's Press Conference on the Internet. Presenter:.
- Here it is 2 million questions: When will increase the salary?.
Putin:.
- I think it is SPAM.
- Choose either me or the TV.
- Of course you, my precious, darling, darling and beloved TV.
The young secretary was late for work.
The headmistress, spinster, she makes the remark:.
- Helen - you're 40 minutes late for work!.
- Oh, Maria Ivanovna - you have an orgasm - you have to do.
work did not reach.
Sppashivaet daughter of my mother:.
- Mom, who is this hairy uncle with lupus eyes?.
- It's your father, daughter.
- And he that sick?.
- No, it is connected to the intepnetu.
- Alle - Masha?.
- Marina.
- Who?.
- Ma -ri -on.
- Hu * se.
- What?.
- Hu -ya -se.
You are viewing the French romance novels?.
- No. I look at the German.
Average shkola.
Ha matematiki lesson comes with uchitelnitsa strashneyshego boduna.
- Children. That we were nA last lesson?.
- Geometric progression, Marya Ivanovna.
- Well, skazhi kA - nam, Petrova, what takoe, eta geometricheskaya.
progression?.
- Geometricheskaya progression - it is. kogda date every member of the following more.
in the previous two tapes raza!.
- Os - Ta - Bi, his girlish fantasy. Pet -ro -va. !.
During sex - the dialogue:.
It is: - Do you love me?.
He said: - I love!.
She: - And buy a fur coat?.
He: - Buy!.
She: - A car you buy?.
He: - Buy!!.
He finishes and says to the iznemozhzhenii:.
- And why do we need so many things??.
Dialogue on the exam. Instructor:.
- What is the horsepower?.
- This is the power which develops the horse rise one meter and weighing in at a.
kilogram.
- But where do you see a horse!?.
- And its not so easy to see. It is stored in Paris, in the House and Measures.
weights.
Especially for scientists crossed the border guard dog and rabbit.
Now she not only catches up with the offender - and punish!.
- Rabinovich, you have to eat is not there?.
- Do not eat.
Call a radio station:.
- Place, please Pugacheva song about how she hung Vind.
- Sorry. What song?.
- Well, this: 'click, and in response - silence. A strong woman is crying at the window. '.
A man calls the fire and shouts:.
- Help! .
Manager:.
- How did you get?.
Man:.
- You know that does that? .
A guy comes from a business trip.
Opens the door to his feet, bursts into the apartment, runs to the closet - no one. Under the bed - one. On the balcony, the bathroom - is empty.
She sits in the kitchen, pours himself a glass, and so grusno wife:.
- Getting old, Zinka!.
Well, for example. the difference between an intelligent man of dumb?.
Intelligent people are distinguished by Gogol from Hegel, Hegel, from Babel, Babel by Bebel Bebel on the cable, the cable from the males, and males from females. dumb and distinguished only by the last two.
The personnel department:.
- Do you have a recommendation from your previous job?.
- Yes, I recommend they look for another job.
- Why did you leave your previous job?.
- Due to fatigue.
- What is fatigue?.
- I do not know, they just said they are tired of me.
- Girl, and you and the school?.
- Still is!.
Lord, how many have already been done, and how much more will not make.
Dinner was excellent, especially the hostess failed mayonnaise.
- Yesterday I was on my wife 'Othello' led!.
- Cultural program?.
- No, for the prevention of.
- The accused! .
- I apologize and sincerely repent - but she looks back quite as Zorro!.
In close bus:.
- Girl, do you think about what I am dreaming?.
- What I do not know, but you mechtalka - stunned!.
Ment are two of the guards at the gay parade:.
- I went yesterday to my daughter at graduation. These graduates are now. Wow.
One dress - half naked ass, here 's a tattoo on his ass, and the front two straps like that of the pubis, a hefty hrenovina in the navel and boobs no less than four numbers.
- Quietly. harbor. In does not show.
Little Johnny came home from school, parents are asked:.
- What have you got now?.
- Four - cheerfully said Little Johnny.
- Why not five?.
- And we only had four lessons.
- What is the trick?? .
One Hundred Years of Benjamin Franklin!.
Traffic police inspector wins million in lottery.
He is asked to say how the money Dispose.
And he said:.
- Buy a crossroads and will work for the soul!.
The lesson of the Russian language school in Georgia. The teacher:.
- Deti is nelzya understand it must be remembered: FROM YOU is written separately and KVASS - together.
The Jew takes out goldfish. She stares at him. He asks:.
- A Jew?.
He says:.
- Yes.
- It is better to fry!.
- Girl, you would want to do business?.
- Yes, but only that the mother did not recognize him!.
- Let's take a taxi!.
- Let's take a vodka. razvezet faster!.
Exam in Physics. The professor decided to fill up with bodunischa all students.
Comes first student, a professor asked him:.
- Here you are eating on the bus, you are hot, what do you do?.
- Open the window.
- properly. Now Calculate the changes in the aerodynamics of a bus caused by the opening of the window.
- Uh.
- Go, two.
Likewise, a few lumps of students. comes to student.
- Girl, imagine, that you eat on the bus, you are hot, what do you do?.
- I? .
- No, you do not understand, you are very hot.
- Well, then take off her blouse and.
- Well, no, VERY hot!.
- Well, take off the skirt.
-???.
- Yes, let me, you have the whole bus @. t, but I will not open the window!.
' Nahal! ' .
December 31, 1999. New Year's address of President of RF B. H. Yeltsin:.
' I'm tired. I'm going. '.
December 31, 2007. New Year's address of President of the Russian Federation in. In. Putin:.
' I'm fine. I remain. '.
The husband comes home screwy. His wife immediately bu-bu -bu, fucking alcoholic, only vodka on the mind. Then the husband reaches into his pocket, pulls out a piece of paper and says:.
- Stop! .
wife:.
- Well, let's see! .
- So, so. First question - name the two types of foreign currency.
- Yes, even the dollar and the mark.
- So. Next - What are two types of contraceptives.
- Yes, I'll just call ten.
- I believe. The third question - name the two rivers in Iceland. Silent? .
My wife questioned her husband returned:.
- Where have you been?.
- At the wedding. Wow, how did we get drunk there all, you can not imagine.
- Why, I can.
- Why would it?.
- Well, because you're in a veil.
- In St. Petersburg, so many beautiful places! .
- And take me with you?.
- Sorry, can not be there with his.
- The hostel was cut off the water, get exhausted at the same water to live.
- I do not understand meaning of the phrase. You wrote it right?.
- All right. I'm in the same water four times already cooked dumplings.
They talk to two friends.
First:.
- I wonder what they are talking about men when they are alone.
The second:.
- About the same, and as a woman when they are alone.
First:.
- Oh, but it's awful.
- Honey, where you carry a cake?.
- I want to give it to my husband's secretary.
- What's her birthday?.
- No. She has a very slim figure.
- Never give up, because every pawn can reach the end of the board and become a queen.
- Or a horse - all depends on the make-up.
- Again, you will argue?.
- Yes!.
- Strong arguments have?.
- Here's a brick....
- If I get married, so many men will be unhappy!.
- But why - you go out for only one?.
- I hate when the pimply boys jump on the subway through the turnstiles and they ride down the escalator to the laughter of debility.
- It's in Moscow, right?.
- Well, just in Moscow. And in St. Petersburg passengers flit gracefully through the turnstiles, passing smelling chrysanthemum and reciting passages from the plays of William Shakespeare.
- What is different from the bachelor married?.
- Bachelor does everything around the house himself, and married his wife makes.
By charging with a terrible roar flies a training machine. Behind the wheel of a woman:.
- Full tank, and quickly!.
- Wait a minute! .
- Yes, I had already turned off. This instructor is shaking!.
I live 50 meters from the airport next to the railway - well, and fig me silent.
a washing machine?.
It has long been known that 20% of people do 80% of. Recently found that 80% of people.
feel that they belong to the 20 %.
